I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
