So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
