i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bring me that man meat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
