I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Boobs speak an international language.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
