My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Blood and glitter go together right?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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