This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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