I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
