based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
