and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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