evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
