you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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