BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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