There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My life is pants optional.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
