I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
