Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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