Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your cock deserves a montage
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
