Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
