she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
