who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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