Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she told me i tasted like america
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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