why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
