drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
