Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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