wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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