Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
