You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
