So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
