I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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