something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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