Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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