if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
