There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
