my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
