ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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