your room smells of hookers.
And success
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
