Who did Billy Mays play for?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
