she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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