FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
