yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
