areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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