I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
