My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
