I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
