I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
