what is it with giant penises always finding me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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