I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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