There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize