I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
