I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
