Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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