I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we're making bets on your personal life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
