Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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