where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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