This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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