i think my tv is drunk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
