if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize