I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
