it wasn't lemon gatorade
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
