so that wasnt chicken after all
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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