Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
