I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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