If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
