i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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