sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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