i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
