I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
