I cockslap morals
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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