And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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