Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
